


When Doubt Outweighs Reason

by Bun



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bun/pseuds/Bun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nightmares have dragged Scorpius out of bed yet again, tormented by the idea that he might not be good enough for his best friend. Albus tries to comfort him and cuteness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Doubt Outweighs Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Filling an anon fic request for "a one-shot where Scorpius starts to think he isn’t good enough for Albus, and fluffy ensues". Both boys are in Slytherin.

It was always in the dead of the night when the gloomy thoughts needled him. They prodded at him and poked sore spots in his heart till he couldn’t hide beneath his coverlet anymore. No matter how deeply he tried to lose himself in his imagination they only defied him; sweet memories inevitably turned sour and heartfelt longings became bitter acceptance of what would never be.

Scorpius often wondered if this was his punishment for loving his best friend. 

Albus was perfect in every way. His hair was always ruffled, giving him just the right dash of casual confidence. Scorpius couldn’t imitate that unkempt look without crossing over to messy. Where Albus had an easy smile that made his handsome face all the more enticing, Scorpius could manage - at best - a sly smirk that only served to scream snobby at his own reflection. Albus was a golden boy, Harry Potter’s son, and there was nothing he could do to measure up. 

The Malfoy name had a storied history and most of those tales were dark, terrible, and full of examples of why he, scion of the Malfoy line, would never be good enough for one of the children of the Boy Who Lived.

Scorpius fisted his hand against the glass of his dormitory window and stared out into the blackness that was beyond. Slytherin dormitories were beneath the lake, the same as their common room, and his window rarely showed anything more than murky, greenish water and the occasional fish. Tonight it only cast darker shadows outside the dim circle of light his beside lamp offered. They were twisted things, much like his thoughts, and cast eerie pictures on the stone floor. 

Right now he didn’t much care if the giant squid itself came through the glass. It might be welcome - an escape from the myriad of desperate thoughts that plagued his mind. 

A feather light touch made him flinch; his grey eyes were wide with a fright that wasn’t wholly due to being surprised when he looked over his shoulder. “Albus…you should be in bed."

The Christmas holiday was perfect for them; with few students left at Hogwarts they had the dorm to themselves and no questioning boys to wonder what went on behind the curtains around Scorpius’ four poster. 

"So should you. What wicked thing has pulled you out of it tonight?" Albus was no stranger to the nightmares that haunted Scorpius. Ever since they were first years he’d known that Scorpius was rarely visited by pleasant dreams. The pressures of being the only Malfoy heir weighed heavily on him and, when he learned of his family’s past crimes, they only worsened. 

"It’s nothing." Scorpius managed a small smile and leaned down to kiss the shorter young man on his forehead. Albus wasn’t as tall as his boyfriend but he was stronger and broader in the shoulders. And, more importantly, he was more perceptive than Scorpius liked at times.

"That’s a lie, Scorp. Do you want to explain it to me in bed or out?" Albus rested a warm hand on the small of Scorpius’ back, his fingers calloused from years of quidditch practice rubbed the blonde’s skin gently. 

Scorpius could feel his tongue loosen under Albus’ gaze and, in order to preserve what little dignity he still had left when alone with his best friend, he turned his head to look back out the window. It was more like a porthole, wasn’t it? He hated boats almost as much as he hated lying to Albus. To avoid the subject he’d endure the bitter taste that rose in his throat at the idea of both. “It wasn’t anything important, Albus. Go back to sleep so I can wake you dreadfully early to open your presents."

The dark haired youth was having none of Scorpius’ evasiveness. Albus tucked his fingers beneath the waistband of Scorpius’ pajama bottoms and gave a little tug. A silent plea to join him in bed.

That would be easier, wouldn’t it? To crawl back into bed and kiss Albus till he forgot for the moment how utterly undeserving of the young man he was. That wouldn’t fix the cracks in his confidence but by Merlin’s beard, would it help soothe his aching heart. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d lost himself in Albus’ lips to stave off his inner demons and it might not be the last. 

If he was that lucky.

"I can’t, Albus. I…please?" Scorpius glanced over his shoulder again. A sliver of the misery in his heart must have been in his eyes because Albus didn’t back away. His arms snaked around Scorpius’ waist till he was hugging him from behind. Little kisses were pressed to each bump of Scorpius’ spine and, despite himself, the blonde sighed softly. 

"You’re the only thing I want for Christmas, Scorpius. Why wait till morning to unwrap you?" At Albus’ words Scorpius’ sigh became a little ragged around the edges, his shoulders tightening. That would be a much better way to forget what had pulled him out of bed. The thought of it made him ache to guide Albus’ hands lower but he only shook his head, muttering something. 

"What was that? Was that a yes?" Albus’ smiled and nipped Scorpius’ shoulder blade lightly, teasing him to try and get him to repeat himself as the mumble had been imperceptible. 

"I said I don’t deserve you." Scorpius whispered the words, barely beyond the volume he’d uttered them before. But, at the way Albus tightened his grip on him, there was no doubt he’d heard this time.

"Scorpius…I don’t know why you think that. You’re as close to perfect as can be. You’re all I’ve ever dreamed of." Albus tried to get his lover to turn but Scorpius shook his head, strands of blonde hair veiling his face from Albus. His height put Scorpius at an advantage and, with how his hair fell forward there was no way Albus could see the flash of pain in his eyes.

"And what if one day your dreams change? Dreams are fickle, terrible things Albus. What if one day you stop dreaming of me? What if I become a nightmare to you? I should be one already." Scorpius’ voice cracked and he dug his fingertips into the stone next to the window, hissing out a sigh.

"How could my silver haired lover be anything but a dream? You’ve been there through everything, Scorpius. You were there when I fretted about telling my parents I’m gay. You were the one that punched James for calling me a poof when he was much bigger and stronger than you. You were the one I dreamed of when I imagined someone who’d love me, all of me, and you were there when I grew brave enough to tell you. You waited for me. You’re a prat sometimes, yes. You copy my homework when you’re too lazy to do yours. You steal my chocolate frogs just to see me scowl. You borrow my trousers and they hang just a hair too low on your hips because you know it makes me crazy. And you’re the one to stay up with me when I’m studying. You’re always ready to kiss that scowl off my lips. You’re the one to slide your stolen trousers off when you’ve teased me just to the breaking point. You’re a git at times but you’re my sort of perfect." Albus’ words made Scorpius’ eyes go hot and he ignored the prick of his tears and the knot in his throat. “Scorpius, you’re the anchor and I’m the ship. I’d float away without you, adrift in a sea of people that only love me for who I am. They don’t know me like you do. I don’t want them. I want you. I love you, Scorpius."

What did he say to that? Scorpius squeezed his eyes shut and, before his doubts could freeze him in place, he turned and buried his hands in Albus’ hair while his lips pressed greedily against his. His mind screamed a thousand terrible things at him but his heart was in accord with the way he scooped Albus up and brought him back to bed. “I hate ships but I love you too, Albus. You’re the steady one, never me, but I appreciate it. You always were something of a poet, you know that?"

Albus laughed softly, the sound turning to a whimper as Scorpius pressed hot kisses to his neck. “Not my finest work by any means but I’m grateful nonetheless for the praise. And even more for getting to open my favorite present early."

A mischievous smirk spread across Albus’ lips and, in that moment, Scorpius could see more Weasley than Potter in his lover. He banished all thoughts of the rest of Albus’ family as he nibbled the other young man’s neck. “If you’re really good you’ll get to play with it all day too."

Laughter left his lover and, somewhere deep in the back of Scorpius’ mind, he almost believed all the sweet words Albus had said. His love was here now with him and that would have to be good enough in colder nights when he was a forgotten dream. 

Or, as he feared so feverishly, a nightmare in the back of Albus’ mind.


End file.
